Little violone, or vitula will be the title. I haven't decided yet. Little violone is the meaning of the cello's full name 'violoncello' - a hearkening back to when our favourite wooden instruments were still referred to as 'viols'.
The violone was the early version of the Double bass. Funny really - I always thought violoncello meant 'big violin' XD though I suppose that'd be the viola.
Vitula, meanwhile, is the origin of the word, meaning 'stringed instrument'.
Though truthfully, I'm leaning towards 'little violone' since this Ghazal directly refers to the cello. A bit more exacting, y'know?
Also, a quick note: 'My fairy, phantom garbed in white' is a phrase referencing my name, Jenny. As far as I can tell, it's a cornish form of Guinevere, which means 'white fairy/phantom/enchantress'. This is only from what bare wiki can tell, but it gave full origins, even the origins of the name guinevere, so it seems fairly legit. I think there's another meaning referencing juniper somewhere, but that's boring. White phantom is much cooler
This is for my creative writing assignment, one of 7 poems, 4 which had to be in differing traditional forms, and 3 in different voices.
To be more specific:
- how well do you think it fits with the form? I've pushed the rules once or twice, as is my habit, but what do you reckon?
- what do you think of the imagery relating to the cello?
- there's a few lines that bother me, such as 'dear, sing without me,' and 'coiled metal seals the nuclear' - do they make sense? Are there any lines that don't, grammatically or image-wise?
- do you agree with my choice of title, or do you think it should be vitula, or even something else?
- Any other thoughts?
edit: fixed the last couplet, which was linked to the penultimate by enjambment - a big no-no with ghazals
editit: changed the last couplet back after consulting my tutor, who liked it too
editide: yes! finally fixed that daft nuclear line! It's been bugging me for ages